


Split

by orphan_account



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Childhood Memories, Forbidden Love, Holding Hands, Implied/Referenced Incest, Kissing, M/M, Reminiscing, Secret Relationship, Shame, Sharing a Bed, Sibling Incest, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:51:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things get too risky. Seth breaks it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Split

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to hell for this probably.

“It means a lot to me that you came out here to do the show,” Seth says in between wrapping up and waving the audience.

Josh reaches out the grips his hand.

“I wouldn’t miss this.”

Seth squeezes his hand.

“I know.”

It’s always been like this between them. These tender sort of moments where they have no one but each other. Most of Seth’s oldest memories include his little brother in some form. He was three when Josh was born. His very first memory is waking up when it was still dark, alone in his room with the blue walls and messy bookshelf. He remembers crying, loudly, and no one coming from him, unable to move as fear of the dark paralyzed him. When Josh was born, the rest sort of melted away. Those fears got softer at the edges. He had a hand to hold.

“Come back with me. I’ve got a hotel room paid for by NBC for the next couple days.”

One by one the cameras go off and the lights dim as people begin to file out.

There’s an implication here that he’s not sure he should mention.

“How about dinner? If I’m out too late, Alexi will—”

“Seth.”

It stops his excuses in their tracks. Josh was always the one to initiate. Seth never felt comfortable with pushing it or even asking. Usually Josh would crawl into bed with him or sneak into his shower or pull him away from the rest of their friend group. They were brothers; no one ever suspected a thing.

“Okay, we’ll go to your place.”

Josh’s face relaxes instantly.

“But we need to talk first.”

~*~*~

They barely crosses the threshold when Seth feels a heavy weight crowd him into the room and up against the wall beside the door. It slams shut. Before he can get a word in edgewise, Josh’s mouth is on his neck, and he can feel him hardening against his thigh.

“Josh. Josh, come on. We have to talk. Josh, wait.”

With tremendous effort, Josh moves away.

“What’s there to talk about?”

Seth sits on the bed and motions for Josh to sit next to him. This is very reminiscent of when Josh asked him about sex, and they were sitting on the edge of Josh’s bed, and all Seth could really tell him was that doing what your partner wanted was important and to keep condoms in his wallet for “just in case” moments. Seth is glad Josh retained and respected the listening part of their conversation.

“We’re getting too old for this. And we’re both in the public eye now, so if anything gets out, we’re both fucked.”

“So?”

Seth knows he’s being purposely petulant. He does it when he knows Seth is right, but is loath to admit it. Like the time Seth told him pop rocks in his milk would make him puke, and Josh did it anyway. Seth hopes the outcome to this conversation is a lot less messy.

“So as much as I love you want to take care of you, this is something I think we need to leave behind and explore elsewhere. Lots of guys would be happy to be your boyfriend.”

Josh shakes his head. That’s the same thing Seth said when Sasha Gladstone broke up with him the first time. It hurts that the same advice is still probably the best.

Josh lays back on the comfy bed and stares at the ceiling. There’s a million thoughts and feelings running through his head, but none of them really make much sense. They’re just fragments swirling around and getting stuck inside his throat until he feels like he can’t even speak.

Seth joins him on his back, stares up at the same ceiling. Part of his mind imagines Alexi, heavily pregnant and eating ice cream in the park with a huge sunhat on. Another part pictures Josh in nothing but his jeans, shirtless and sweaty as he tries to figure out what’s wrong under the hood of his car on a hot summer day. It pains him that he has to choose. And it was never really his choice to make…

“What are you thinking about?” Josh finally manages to ask. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to.”

“That I hate myself for forcing us into this situation.”

Josh turns from his back to his side, so he can properly face his brother. Seth does the same.

“Kiss me.”

Seth looks at him, hard, before bringing a gentle hand to his brother’s face.

“If you insist.”

It's a deep kiss, all teeth and tongue and lips and hands that roam about, so it's actually kind of perfect. They pant when they finally pull away, not quite ready to face what they have just done.

“We can’t keep doing this to ourselves,” Seth murmurs, putting a lock of his brother’s hair back into place.

“Yeah. I know.”

Seth gets up from the bed, patting his brother’s shoulder gently.

“I hate to see you go,” Josh says, almost playfully.

Seth finishes the line, “But I love you watch you leave.”

Seth walks into the hall, closing the door behind him. 

He leans up against it when it’s shut, sliding down in until he ends up sitting on the floor, and pretends her doesn’t hear his brother crying on the other side of it.


End file.
